POWERMETAL101

2007-06-09T09:36:16Z

Stole this off a friend's MySpazz bulletin.

101 Rules of Power Metal

1. You have one goal: be epic.
2. Let no sound be lonely. If there’s a guitar solo, harmonize it. If there’s singing, make it a choir.
3. Keyboards offer a way to add thousands of different textures to a song. Find two of those that you like and use them on every song you write.
4. In a power metal world, everything steel is good, and anything good must be compared to steel.
5. You are not bound to sing about Satan, evil, and/or darkness.
6. You are bound to sing about dragons, freedom, and/or power metal.
7. Remember how no sound should be alone? Same goes for albums. Everything can have a sequel!
8. You are allowed to be blonde.
9. Swords enhance your credibility and your performance. Be sure to carry one regardless of whether or not you know anything about using one.
10. Pick a theme and stick to it. Manowar are warriors of true metal, and they don’t get to sing about anything else. Rhapsody has their Algalord chronicles. HammerFall has their steel, hammers, and templar. Running Wild has pirates. Blind Guardian has Tolkein. None of them are allowed to sing about anything else.
11. If you have to sing about something else, put together a side project to do it. Avantasia is the perfect model.
12. Ballads are permissible.
13. That doesn’t mean your ballads can suck.
14. The longer a song is, the more epic it is. See rule #1.
15. More solos means more epic.
16. If at all possible, be Michael Kiske.
17. If this is not possible, pretend to be Michael Kiske.
18. Your album cover should include at least one of the following: fire, steel, weird glowing magical items, irregularly muscular men, fists thrust into the air, weaponry, magic creatures (preferably dragons), or bright beams of light around somebody/something.
19. ‘Grim’ and ‘necro’ don’t apply here; they just make you look silly. Now go back to singing your 20 minute epic about dragonslaying!
20. Power metal depends on power chords.
21. 16th notes are the only notes.
22. Unless you’re singing, in which case you are not permitted to hold a note for any less than 2 bars.
23. Keyboards get solos, too.
24. If you can’t be Michael Kiske, you can at least be Timo Tolkki.
25. Actually, don’t be Timo Tolkki.
26. In case you didn’t know, “symphonic” is synonymous with “epic.” See rule #1.
27. Just because 300 bands before you have already done “epic,” there’s always room for more.
28. Songs come in two tempos: metal and ballad.
29. You are officially the only group of people who can refer to themselves as ‘mighty’ without being laughed at. Much.
30. Audiences need to be able to sing along. Make it catchy.
31. Sing in English, even though your fan-base will be comprised entirely of Brazilians, Germans, Japanese, Swedes, and Finns. See rule #30: if it’s not catchy, it’s harder to sing in a language that is not your first.
32. Play in as many bands as possible. More side projects and guest appearances means more epic!
33. Tight. Pants.
34. You don’t have to detune your guitars.
35. Though you probably should drop them a half-step.
36. Unfortunately, you need at least two guitar players. How else are you going to have dueling guitar solos?
37. Keyboards may substitute for one guitar player, as long as they can solo.
38. Fortunately, you don’t need a bass player! Or at least, you never have to use the same bassist twice.
39. Begin all songs with one big swelling chord on the keyboard.
40. Acoustic guitars are allowed. Sometimes.
41. It’s not a tour, it’s a crusade!
42. Layer your vocals, hundreds upon hundreds of times. Don’t worry about them live.
43. Never use mundane words in your lyrics. Nothing is epic if you don’t use words like “majesty,” “glorious,” “magical,” and so on.
44. Wizards! You need wizards!
45. Although your costume does not require corpse paint, it will require a cape, lots of jewelry, and the aforementioned swords.
46. Unless you are Manowar, in which case you are too metal for clothing.
47. Come to think of it, don’t be Manowar.
48. Wear armor if at all possible. HammerFall can give you an idea of the variety of acceptable armors, ranging from leather to ring-mail.
49. Songs don’t begin at full speed. Gradually work your way into an epic frenzy.
50. Hail true metal!
51. Acoustic guitars are for intros and bridges. Then crush them with steel.
52. Epic. Tight. Pants.
53. Higher vocals are epic vocals. Female lead singers are great for this.
54. So, male lead singes should sound like female singers. See rule #52.
55. True warriors can tell the difference between albums.
56. Concept albums are totally epic. Nobody will ever see it coming.
57. Liner notes must include pages of backstory, either of your epic saga of conquest over dragons and evil or of your epic battles with alcoholism while recording the album.
58. Drugs aren’t metal.
59. Beer, however, can be served in all kinds of true metal ways.
60. “Flagons of ale.” It’s appropriate to your fantasy-riddled lyrics, and it almost looks like “dragons,” so you score extra points.
61. Since you can’t get away with grunts, growls, and other troll-like noises, you will have to sing.
62. Your accent will show as a consequence.
63. To compensate, sing about killing trolls. Preferably with the swords that you carry onstage.
64. More sequels = more epic. See rule #7.
65. Guest vocalists, guest guitarists, and any special appearances from outside your band will make your sound more epic, even if the track sounds just like all the other songs on the album with an extra solo.
666. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!!!
67. Begin songs at half-tempo, and then, when listeners least expect it (i.e. at exactly the same time it happens in all your other songs) kick into full speed complete with double-bass and power chords.
68. Bass players: one note. Really fast.
69. But include one enormous crazy-ass bass fill before the chorus, even though the production will bury you so far in the mix that most people won’t realize your band has a bass player.
70. Just because you don’t play black metal doesn’t mean you can’t use Tolkein.
71. Whenever you short of ideas, pick up your Dungeons and Dragons books. You might as well be the first band to sing about owlbears.
72. Never leave Europe.
73. For purposes of rule #72, Japan may be counted as part of Europe.
74. Oh, and South America was colonized by Europeans, so it can count too.
75. Orchestras make a great addition to your album. Since you can’t afford one, find a new patch on your keyboard.
76. If your live album does not have the crowd singing all the harmony parts for you, you aren’t epic enough to justify a live album.
77. If you are European, use as many archaic English words in your lyrics as you can. Obfuscation is epic!
78. If you are South American, your lyrics should be closer to standard English, though nobody will ever read them.
79. If you are U.S. American, you probably aren’t actually a power metal band. Sing about tanks, or something.
80. If you are Italian, write some lyrics in Latin. Your American fans won’t be able to tell the difference between your Italian lyrics and your Latin ones, but Latin is epic.
81. Remember, shaving is epic, haircuts are not.
82. Entire albums must be recorded in the same key.
83. For that matter, entire careers may also be recorded in the same key.
84. Guitarists, remember: dun da-da dun da-da dun da-da…
85. Make your band logo very angular, but perfectly legible.
86. More than a logo, you need a mascot.
87. He need not be distinguishable from Eddie, but he does need to be on all your album covers.
88. At your first gig, if you feel a “rising force,” do be sure not to get it all over your audience.
89. Record your best songs unplugged, and sell them as an EP.
90. Do not expect anyone to buy the EP.
91. Remember, power metal fans are not gay. They are just comfortable with their masculinity.
92. Sing along.
93. Don’t get caught singing along.
94. Glitter is not epic.
95. Neither is body oil. See rule #47.
96. If you see a black metaller in the woods pretending to be a troll, see rule #9 and rule #63.
97. In your liner notes, thank everybody you toured with, even if they’re Stratovarius.
98. Complain about Stratovarius constantly even though you’ve bought all their albums and listen to them more than anything else in your collection.
99. Power metal must be pure; do not mix it with other metal styles.
100. To repeat: be epic.
101. I ran out of funny things to say way back at rule #52, but any less than 101 rules would so not be epic.

NOW I WANT TO GO AND FORM A POWER METAL BAND.
BWAHAHAHA!!

backstitching @ 2007-02-17T12:14:00

2007-02-17T01:07:54Z

Here's a couple of things I wrote last night, or this morning, depending on which way you look at it. I'm not sure if I can somehow salvage this pitiful shit, but we shall see what I can do with it.

1.
Fuck you. Like you fucked me
I'm still inside you
Do I still intoxicate you?
(I never loved you anyway)
And you'll cry

Like I cried for you
When I was a weakling
I died for you
When I was a weakling

I'm like a disease, you can't cure me
'Cause I'll kill you with the bitter pill
You made me swallow
(I never loved you anyway)
And you'll cry

Like I cried for you
When I was a weakling
I died for you
When I was a weakling

I'll plant a black rose inside your heart
And watch you die and you'll cry
Just for me
(I never loved you anyway)
And you'll cry

Like I cried for you
When I was a weakling
I'll never die like you
Die

I'm everything you'll never be

2.
I love to fuck you
I love to fuck with you
When you're inside me I'm inside your head
I'll murder your ideals
Like you killed my dreams
You wanted me dead
(This heart's been bled dry)

I'm under your skin
I'll destroy from within
And when I'm done
I'll discard your empty shell
You tore my heart out
Heightened self-doubt
I learned my lesson, you taught me well.

You made me scream
And you liked to be mean
I wanted you like you wanted me to
You extinguished my fire
Like every other fucking liar
And I'm burning with hate just like you want me to
(This heart's been bled dry)

And that's about it. I have another little thing, which is even more shitty than those two, but here it is anyway. I guess I'm asking for feedback, to see if I should continue writing or just give it up altogether, like I did for a good couple of years and for some reason decided to start again last night.

3.
I curled up inside a flower
And bled from my eyes
And I used a guitar lead
To stitch the holes in my sides up
I sucked the smoke from my cigarette
And befriended a fly
He crawled into my mouth
And he ate my insides

I wanted to die
But frozen in time I sang
How I loved and I loved
And I loved and I hated
And you fried my brain, drove me insane
But the worst was yet to come

I flew along a rainbow
And the colours painted my naked body
Hands caressed, invisible
Clawed, tore, cut me
Just like his love for me
My hate, with teeth and talons
Soared like a dragon across time
Stars danced before my eyes
And I died

055 [Brushes+Screencaps]

2006-02-19T07:37:51Z

I have been downloading a lot of brushes for use in icon making. This is the place where I credit everyone whose brushes I've used.
Border brushes, and others from 100x100_brushes:
__kali__
contradictz
darkislight
september_icons
antoinette
asiyakei deviantART
ealias
kizzmon
alaskanicons deviantART
miggy
scarsonchest
cdg_brushes
trash_graphics

Now, credit for any screencaps I've used in my icons.
peacefully
krissinator
lyricbomb
indilime

the angel with the scabbed wings

LOLVULCAN

POWERMETAL101

backstitching @ 2007-02-17T12:14:00

055 [Brushes+Screencaps]